Filipino Farmers In Crisis: Help Us, Angelina Jolie, You're Our Only Hope
The life of beneficient Hollywood superstar/globetrotting United Nations Goodwill Ambassador is not an easy one; just when she thinks she may have finally found a break in her schedule that might allow her to spend more quality time with her well-meaning, monosyllabic life-partner and their multicultural brood of adopted refugees, trouble erupts in a far-flung village, its imperiled residents shine their Jolie Signal (the gun-toting silhouette of Lara Croft) against the darkened night sky, and our heroine iis torn away from her family once again:
A leftist farmers' group has asked the United Nations to send Hollywood star Angelina Jolie to visit the Philippines to check on the rising number of people displaced by army offensives in the countryside.
The Kilusang Magbubukid ng Pilipinas (Movement of Farmers in the Philippines) has sent a letter to the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees to look at the worsening refugee situation in the country, its leader Willy Marbella said on Friday.
"Since June 2005, we have been asking the chair of the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees, Antonio Guterres, to look into this and send Angelina Jolie to see the real situation of internally displaced people in the country," Marbella told reporters.
"Hundreds of people are being forced out of their homes and farms every month."
Though it has thus far been impossible for the actress-cum-savior to fit the Filipino farmers' crisis into her incredibly busy rescue schedule, we're sure that their renewed plea will meet with success. Bolstered by a now-10,000-strong force of mohawked Cambodian orphans who have spent the last two years preparing for just such a mission at her Phnom Penh compound, Jolie will help the farmers repulse the marauders and reclaim their land, accepting only a single orphan from the Movement as repayment for her assistance in their worthy struggle.
