From the mailbag: "Has it occurred to anyone over there at Gawker that New York City is not interesting anymore? Hell, I grew up next door and thought it was the greatest place in the world. That was 62 years ago. I think a lot of your stuff is funny, but really, the only time I look at your site is when I have my lap top on my lap while I'm taking a shit. Poor New Yorkers. Past Tense!"
@SarahHeartburn: @LittleLolly: @collegecallgirl: It was okay for a years after the trappers left and beads and wampum went out of style, but by the time Alexander Hamilton was showing up at the White Horse Tavern every night with his Federalist, like entourage, we all thought "so. over." But seriously, the parties in John Jacob Astor's alley after the parties for the 400? When everyone used to hang out by the garbage cans warming their hands over the braziers, reminisce how their sisters were sold into white slavery and joke about remembering the Maine? It was just crazy, man, we were young and wild and poverty-stricken and free. Good times.
Has anyone noticed that all the movies coming out next year are about blowing New York city sky high and leaving a ruined husk? Could the rest of America please take out their self-loathing on some other city for once? Like, maybe if they blew up the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota, and the movie posters showed this smoking piece of string, we would be all, "OH NO!" and then we'd be like, "AWESOME." Or maybe they could show the decapitated statue outside Shedd aquarium and we'd be like, "OH MY GOD, I LOVE THAT STUPID STATUE. AWESOME." Or maybe they could show a scrap of a Wisconsin cheese hat, on fire, and we'd be like, "WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE GREEN BAY? AWESOME!"
@Mediahohoho: @LittleLolly: @collegecallgirl: @SarahHeartburn: Seriously, the whole city has gone to hell ever since the stores stopped accepting beads and wampum. It was okay for a few years after that, but then when Alexander Hamilton starting coming down from Poughkeepsie like every weekend to the Fraunces Tavern, with his hair all overpowdered, his breeches waaaaoy too tight, and coming on to all the girls with his line about the "sacred rights of mankind." That guy didn't even need a wingman— he couldn't get a word in edgewise ! You think bridge-and-tunnel is annoying? Try dealing with those horse-and-carriage pricks!
I won't dispute that the Sacco and Venzetti parties were like, total hedonism but by then everything was really organized. The absolute best times were in the alley behind John Jacob Astor's house when he was throwing parties for the 400, and we would all hang out outside warming our hands over the braziers, joking about how our sisters were sold into white slavery, and wait for scraps from the kitchen. Man, we used to party back then.
When I was in a youth group in high school, people always talked about how much more fun and dynamic it had once been. When I was in college, the student activities group I joined used to mourn their crazier era and the students that had graduated. Living in NYC the last several years has been nothing but stories about how it used to be so much better.
I hope one day to be part of an organization that will let me know that I am part of it during the best, most fascinating time so I can let all those who come afterward feel less special.
