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In a story that tidily summed up the Spirit of the Holidays™, a Texas girls' clothing chain offering four seats and a flight to see Miley Cyrus's solidly sold-out concert tour chose as the winner of its essay contest the six-year-old who began her entry, "My daddy died this year in Iraq." Trouble was, her daddy had never been to Iraq, and was alive and well living in the next town over. To listen to her mother, who orchestrated the entire thing, go on at length with a TV reporter about how she was never once told the "essay had to be true" and thus took offense at being labeled a liar, is to truly catch a chilling glimpse into the dark heart of a Hannah Montana concert-ticket-seeking parent's soul. But that would prove to be the lesser of two weekend controversies for the Disney Channel star:

Having already shot down one pregnancy rumor and pledged eternal, achy-breaky virtue to her dad until marriage or a serious slip-up, dreaded suggestive photos, the kinds of which have sullied the pristine, candy-wrapped reputations of fellow Disney stars, have now surfaced online. In them (click here for a disappointingly SFW experience), the Hannah Montana star appears to be sharing a treat with a ruby-lipped, bedroom-eyed playmate. Cyrus offered this defense to New York radio station Z100:

"They're nothing bad! At first, I was really upset. It really sucks. [The girl in the pictures] was a friend of mine that's a normal girl. [Now] she has to go to school and deal with this crap. It's two girls at a sleepover, and if all of a sudden that's bad, then what is the world coming to?

"What I decided before I came out to LA and started working was the minute I didn't have fun was the minute I go home. I don't want to go home, and I don't want to not do what I do, because I love it, but this...it's Satan attacking. It's not something I'm going to let slide. I'm really upset about it, 'cause it was, like, not even a big deal."

How the gutter-minded press could twist something as sweet as the sharing of a single Swedish fish (or is that a piece of Twizzler Pull-n-Peel? Our expertise on red, chewy candy is failing us) between BFFs at a slumber party into something so sordid is most assuredly the result of Satan attacking the pants of horny teenage boys and grown men posing as such on MySpace. We respond by having our Half-Elf with a Dexterity Score of 18 counter-attack on behalf of Cyrus's purity with a roll of the Hit Die. Satan vanquished!