Rudy Quits, Terrorists Win
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Terrible news: America's Mayor, Mr. 9/11, twice-divorced opera-loving cross-dressing gay roommate-having Manhattan dandy Rudy Giuliani has dropped out of the race for the presidency after a dismal third place finish in the Florida primary, where he campaigned more and spent more money than any other candidate. He will focus instead on increasing his terrible blood-soaked fortune with speaking gigs and his near-criminal consulting firm. He will endorse insane old man John McCain. [NYT]