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May we speak bluntly? We Americans are a bunch of undersexed sissies. So says the new Global Sex Survey from Durex, maker of good-enough condoms. Barely half of Americans are having sex once a week, meaning that we rank above only the stuffy, sexually repressed Japanese in amount of fucking [NYDN]. And all of humanity has a big problem: we don't even like having sex.

"Sex worldwide could be better," according to the survey. We'd say so! Only 60% of people worldwide say sex is "fun, enjoyable, and a vital part of life."

Let that sink in for a moment. Only three out of five people on earth believe sex is fun. Further, less than half—only 44%—say they are fully satisfied with their own sex lives. Well, hard to be satisfied if you don't even think it's fun.

So who is winning the global sex race? Greece, where almost 90% of people say they get laid weekly. They are either very sexy, or very big liars. Following closely are Brazil, Russia, and China. Clearly, Americans need to get to screwing—possibly with the help of some pleasure-enhancing Durex products!—or our empire will surely fall to the onslaught of the Greeks.

At least the cause of our poor showing is clear: Fancy men's underwear.