You know New York Governor Eliot Spitzer slept with a prostitute, in Washington, DC. But: do you know how much he paid? (HINT: Not $5,000. It seemed to be more like $3k with a down payment on a future visit) Why the escort service considered him "unsafe"? The arcane details of obtaining store credit with an international prostitution ring? We read the FBI affidavit so you don't have to, then we summed up the prevailing arguments in favor of Spitzer's survival of this political storm and the trends that could spell his doom, in convenient "bullet point" format. Print it out and read it aloud to co-workers at Happy Hour tonight. They will think you're very clever.

The affidavit, explained:

  • Temeka Rachelle Lewis is the lady who presumably wore the wire. She was one of the "booking agents" for the high-class escort service.
  • Spitz liked to pay in cash. He mailed in a $400-$500 deposit.
  • Spitzer paid for the train tickets for Kristen to get to and from Washington. (Judging by train numbers and trip time, these were regional trains, not the more expensive Acela. Saving taxpayer dollars!)
  • After the deposit, Spizter owed Kristen $2,600, which means this was a $3,000 act, with more money put down towards a future visit (not their usual way of doing business, but Spitzer refused to wire money), all adding up to $4300.
  • The only quote from Spitzer in the affidavit? "Great, okay, wonderful," he says, after hearing Kristen described as "American, petite, very pretty brunette, 105 pounds."
  • Kristen was to go directly to Spitzer's hotel room. The door would be kept open. Instead, they met at her room.
  • $3,000 (or $4,300 altogether) buys you four hours with Kristen.
  • Emperors Club had received complaints that Spitzer didn't like to use condoms. But Kristen could deal with that type, she explained, and she is the only person in history ever to say, of Eliot Spitzer, "I don't think he's difficult."

Pluses for Eliot:

  • This is New York. We are generally more forgiving of moral failings than the rest of the nation.
  • The prostitute seemed to like him! The worst he did was complain about wearing condoms. And who hasn't!
  • It wasn't a boy prostitute!
  • Without fresh details, this scandal could run out of steam before he's forced to resign. Though of course there are probably lots more details to come, including the eventual media tour of "Kristen" herself, should she surface.
  • Everyone will get tired of smug moral posturing by people like Sheldon Silver. Right? Please?
  • He's, uh... he's pretty young. He could resign and then run for president in a couple years when everyone else in America has finally admitted to being utter degenerates.

Spitzer is Screwed

  • This is New York. We have pretty much all the journalists here, and many newspapers. This ain't a Senator from Idaho getting caught in Minnesota.
  • He wasted his first year mired in pointless scandal, he's beginning his second year with a huge, point-ful scandal.
  • His sticking around could ruin the Democrats' chances for taking the state Senate in November. Those chances might be fucked already!
  • How much did he spend? A month's worth of a public salary on a hooker? Yeesh.
  • How many daughters does he have?
  • Seriously. What a fucking idiot.