The Only Five News Photos Everyone Ever Cares About
We know what the buzz is among the Drudge/Post/Times crowd, but what about normal Americans? We need some sort of automatic list just to keep tabs on them. Thankfully Yahoo has just such a list. As the most-viewed news site, Yahoo News is the news for tens of millions of normal Americans. The site's "Most e-mailed photos" list constantly cycles, but the photos always belong to these five genres:
- Animals: We love them more than people, because we can project whatever we want onto them. There are three tiers of animal photos: a) animals acting like animals; b) monkeys acting like humans; and c) non-monkeys acting like humans:
- Freaks: Call it "human interest" or "health news," but people still love a good freak show. Of course no one would call it that in these modern enlightened times, but attention given to different-looking people still has that twinge of gawking at the Other. That's why people passed around photos of the world's tallest man, an injured soldier, and (a favorite genre, as Jossip noted) fatties:
- Hot chicks: Some day,
peopleguys will be able to admit in mixed company that they love porn. Until then, they will channel the need for public acknowledgment of porn into the more socially acceptable swimsuit photo. It's like telling someone "hey, you enjoy naked women too, let's kind of almost do that together without being sued or gay." Thus the popularity of cheerleaders, underwear models, and these models from the swimsuit makers Phuket Mermaids (hur hur):
- Stupid George Bush: Because any politician makes some dumb poses, and whether or not you think George Bush strikes more such poses than most people, most of America really loves to take a cheap shot through someone else's camera. No other politician looks quite this silly when standing next to the Easter Bunny. It's like he's whispering, "Tell me you're the real one":
Note: Several photos from that boring Iraq coverage were quite popular, probably because everyone in the Yahoo News audience knows someone in the war, and because they make animal photos even more touching.