Stars indeed are just like us. We all exploit ugly people for drugs and stuff, we all freak out over our '90s TV "megastar" lovers, and we all have fanciful affairs with foreign billionaires. Except, you know, stars actually do those things rather than just fantasize about them in an "ironic" way while washing the dishes. I mean, except for the ugly people thing. That definitely does happen. Completely unironically. Hey, let's figure out which star is exactly like you: "Which celebrity uses her ugly friends to get off her face on cocaine and then, when she's high enough, ditches them for her pretty pals?" [Mirror] Two more slightly less real items after the jump.

  • "Which small-screen actress has been texting and fawning over and otherwise smothering her '90s TV megastar boyfriend, just after her PR leaked the relationship to the press? At this rate, she might have to cast a new beau for next season." [NYDN]
  • "This B list film actress with a nose for paparazzi disappeared off the radar screen for a few days. Public stories professed one thing while in reality our actress spent a few days with a foreign billionaire. You do the math." [Crazy Days and Nights]