Lies Will Save the Newspaper Industry!

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Pareene

04/02/08 09:18AM

Filed to: journalismism

Every year, on April Fool's Day, the Vail Daily of Vail, CO, prints some funny fake stories in the paper, because no news happens in Vail anyway so no one really minds. This year, they printed an eight-page supplement of made-up bullshit. "It was also a money-maker, boasting numerous advertisements, including two full-pagers inside," according to Editor & Publisher. Printing entire sections of lies have long been profitable for newspapers, which is why so many of them have "Health" sections. But sometimes, truth slips through. After the jump, the UK Telegraph's list of April 1 stories that were actually true, no matter how much we wished they weren't.

[Tory mayoral candidate] Boris Johnson ready to take on gangs
[Liberal Democrat leader] Nick Clegg has slept with around 30 women.
Facebook turns your mobile phone into a spy
The tortoise that smokes 10-a-day

Colorado Daily Publishes Eight-Page April Fool's Wrap — And Makes Money [E&P]
They sounded like April Fool's hoaxes, but weren't [Telegraph]

The following replies are approved. To see additional replies that are pending approval, click Show Pending. Warning: These may contain graphic material.

Mike_Jahn Pareene 04/02/08 10:07AM

@FracturedAcetabulum: Who the ... [paste into Notepad while Googling that name] ... oh, right. Got it. Chuck Klosterman. One of my metaphoric children. Yikes. Amazing how covering the lowest common demoninator can make writers so self-important! And I was worried about Todd Gitlin's image! Isn't the world like several decades past giving a shit what rock critics think about anything?

I was thinking just now, rereading the post, whether while it's cool to speculate about the demise of newspapers, what really gives us the intelligence and right to assume that the Internet</I) p been will be here in 50 years, or 2043, whatever date we?ve discussing. Maybe there something new that we can?t imagine.<>

VirusWithShoes Pareene 04/02/08 09:44AM

@Nard38: Ha! It's looking like it, isn't it? I have no idea what triggered it either. Was it the tiny-assed man dancing with Bruno, I ask? Tiny-assed men perhaps arouse something latent in me regarding 80's cult tv shows. Maybe if I see a small-titted hermaphrodite I'll start throwing in references to The Avengers?

I'm as full of surprises as you are full of funnies and sweetness for noticing-ness.

Self-referential bullshit over.

VirusWithShoes Pareene 04/02/08 09:31AM

Fact - The Daily Telegraph is itself one of the longest-running hoaxes in British newspaper publishing.

It's owned by two slightly eccentric brothers who live on an island all by themselves. Ricardo Montalban greets visitors to the island by firing turtles at you via a mortar tube.

Etc.

VirusWithShoes Pareene 04/02/08 09:56AM

@if_i_only_had_a_heart: Their shells are full of super-nicotine. Although to combat this, you can buy snapping-turtle patches at any good drug store. Once they bite onto your upper-arm, you no longer feel the need for a cigarette.