This image was lost some time after publication.

A word of advice to the legions of women seeking to disrupt George Clooney's latest extended fling with former cocktail waitress / sand enthusiast Sarah Larson: if you're planning on placing an anonymous phone call to George with the intent of disparaging his ladyfriend, make sure to use a pre-paid cell phone. Because even with the help of his cop/chauffeur's detective skills, Clooney was unable to track the hushed threats that were recently left on his voicemail, threats that apparently came from a rent-a-phone. On them, the anonymous caller ranted, "Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you're sorry!" The golden couple's reaction, plus reports from an alleged ex revealing Larson's penchants for "love potions", after the jump.

In a too-close-for-comfort profile in this week's New Yorker, Clooney apparently plays the message for both a reporter and Larson for the first time. Her insta-defense? "I've never been a stripper. You know, just because I'm from Las Vegas, I must be a stripper. Because I'm a cocktail server, that means I'm an escort." Whoa, Sarah! This guy didn't drop the prostitute bomb, but thanks for reminding us of your skill set. And Clooney, who quipped, "It's not a prank - none of my friends would do that," may not care how many cocktails she served back in the day considering the games Larson likes to allegedly play in the bedroom. A "rock musician" named Tommy McKaughan is dishing to The Sun about the pair's extracurriculars: "She made up special love potions and rubbed them into every part of my body...She loves nothing more than getting naked in a forest." Yeah, we'd let that "investigation" run cold too if we were dating a sand-loving forest nymph like Sarah, too.