Tom Cruise has been greatly misunderstood! He jumps on couches because he's happy, not crazy! He didn't mean to scare Oprah! Other foam-at-the-mouth batshit declarations! The gay Valkyrie recently taped an interview with Oprah Winfrey, where he tried to explain his crazypants behavior. On his glib-calling: ""I was feeling pressed in the interview with Matt Lauer. For me, my issue was really about child drugging. It's not like it is today, like people are really kind of openly talking about this." Right. Nothing is like it is today. On his nutty Scientology video: "It was a very private moment. I'm actually talking to my congregation. It's [taken] totally out of context." Yes. Ten-minute-long videos can easily be taken out of context. More gobbledygook, from Us, after the jump.

ON BUYING A SONOGRAM MACHINE FOR HOLMES DURING HER PREGNANCY

Cruise says he and Holmes took great pains to keep her pregnancy private. "We went in the middle of the night, and we were very excited — this is such a private moment," he says.

"My life was already a zoo," he says. When news leaked, "it was off the charts."

As for purchasing a sonogram machine for Holmes, Cruise explains, "When you're having a baby, you just want it to be as safe and as easy as possible."


ON DAUGHTER SURI

"She's spectacular," he says. "She really is just magic."

His two children with ex Nicole Kidman, Connor and Isabella, "were really excited."