Umastalker Found Guilty Of Umastalking
Jack Jordan is the lovelorn and deeply misunderstood man currently on trial for having developed—and who hasn't!—an irrationally obsessive crush on screen siren Uma Thurman. This in turn led him to perform such deeply unsettling, yet oddly touching, gestures as presenting Thurman with samples of his own stick-figure art—which we've reproduced according to trial testimony's exacting specifications. The AP now reports that a jury has found Jordan guilty. The conviction—one count of stalking and one count of aggravated harassment—means Jordan could face up to one year in jail.
Yes, it's unpleasant for all involved. But that doesn't mean we must shirk our duties and refuse to offer suggestions for the inevitable CBS Movie of the Week, Dancing on the Razor's Edge: The Uma Thurman Stalking Story: We humbly nominate Anthony Edwards, who could bring the same intensity honed in the halls of ER to the part of a man driven by love to the brink of madness. In the role of Uma: Natasha Henstridge. As perfect as those are, you'll just wind up putting your own, even better suggestions in the comments below, so why delay the inevitable?
