Paris Hilton seems to have been truly touched by her Woman of the Year award from the Harvard Lampoon, going to the trouble of writing down a speech, on a piece of paper, in advance, just like a fancy professor. Of course the result was mostly sub-literate nonsense like "an international icon meets countless people every day, and all you people came all these blocks just to see me," but she also said sweet things like "never in my wildest dreams did I imagine standing here." A week before the speech, the Lampoon had already told the Harvard Crimson that they hoped Paris "doesn't... start doing the math" and figure out she was well "down the list" of celebrities, way below Scarlett Johansson and Catherine Zeta Jones. But the joke was on the Lampoon. Find out why and see videos of Paris' very special speeches after the jump.

In the end, the fool in this stunt was the Lampoon, whose staff, according to the Boston Globe, took Paris clubbing and to a private party and whose crowd shouted "marry me!" at Hilton while lapping up her repeated, robotic pronouncements that "Harvard is hot."

The event was a clumsy coda to far more clever Lampoon stunts of yore, like Conan O'Brien's 1984 shenanigans involving Robin from TV's "Batman and Robin."