Joshua David Stein is back briefly to talk about Bravo's Top Chef whose second episode was last night. We're only on the second episode of Top Chef Chicago and Bravo's already calling in their chits from the gay community. Last night's challenge, in which chefs were asked to design a menu based on the diets of five animals, seemed an elaborate set up to make the joke, as mathnet did earlier, that yes, Tom Colicchio—the head judge—is a bear. Not in the sense of a meat-eating hibernating member of the family Ursinae but in the sense of "an affectionate gay slang term for those in the bear communities, a subculture in the gay community and an emerging subset of LGBT communities with events, codes and culture specific identity."

There was an audience poll (think of all the revenues from the text messages!) in which 61 or something percent agreed that moreso than vulture, penguin, lion or gorilla, Tom Colicchio is most like a gay who "tends to have hairy bodies and facial hair; some are heavy-set; some project an image of working-class masculinity in their grooming and appearance, though none of these are requirements or unique indicators. Some bears place importance on presenting a hyper-masculine image; some may shun interaction with men who display effeminate style and mannerisms, although some actually exhibit these traits themselves."

So that happened which was a relief to those of us who have been waiting for the show to openly address the obvious. I'm just amazed there wasn't some sponsor tie-in with, for example, the DVD release of I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry But let's move onto the challenge: Design a menu for 200 people based on the diets of five animals using only ingredients those animals eat. Humma, wha? I mean this really approaches absurdity in terms of contrivance and stochastic challenges. If we're this random in the second episode, imagine four weeks down the line when the chefs will be asked to create a seven course meal out of yellow, snozzcumbers, the shavings of deodar cedar, late-market capitalism, the later work of Luc Tuymans, memories of Maya Deren, the ten Inuit words for snow, "Snow;" by Orhan Palmuk, the idea of Orphans, the ideations of Oprah, all to be judged by a classroom full of cactii. I bet Richard will win, the cheesy fuck.

Of course last night the loser wasn't simply linear thought. Also that short cheffette from Chicago named Valerie went home which is fine because really, who cares? Aren't they starting to film 30 Rock again anyway?

Predictions for the season are always welcome. For my part, I think Richard and Spike will be the villains. That dude Manuel is a sweetheart whose personality will continue to shine. Andrew, still top three.