There Are Bedbugs In The Subway! Panic!
The city has bedbug educators, apparently, and one was speaking at a special Department of Housing forum on bedbugs recently, and he let the following terrifying revelation slip in front of a Post reporter: he sees bedbugs all over various subway benches! He even saw one attach itself to some poor, unsuspecting passenger's ass at the Hoyt-Schermerhorn station in Brooklyn! Wait, Brooklyn? McKibben Lofts must be mixed up in this somehow. Anyway, the important thing here is: Definitely do panic. Here, look, the Post is helping to spread the pandemonium:
The official, identified as Edward Brownbear, also reported seeing the bugs on wooden benches at the Union Square and Fordham Road stations in Manhattan and The Bronx, respectively.
Sharis Lugo, 20, of Brooklyn leaped off a bench at the Union Square station when she heard the news, saying, "Ewww! That's nasty . . . They've got to take these benches out of here!"
Yes! And burn them, maybe along with McKibbin Lofts and all the subway cars! And all clothes within city limits!
Or, you know, just sleep with a flashlight next to your bed. FOREVER.
