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He can rap! He can act! He can produce (music AND plays)! He’s the dapperest of gentlemen ever to be accused of assault, bribery, shootings, sweatshop labor, a fatal stampede and making coats out of dogs! And now Diddy has a new occupation: screenwriter. According to the always reliable entertainment news service WENN, Diddy was “so inspired” by this year’s Cannes Film Festival that he decided to venture into feature writing. But wasn’t the festival like two days ago, you ask? Yes, yes it was. Apparently, Mr. Puffycombs wastes no time making his brand new dreams come true.

While no studio or production company affiliations have yet been announced, Diddy already knows what actress he wants: Sienna Miller or Angelina Jolie. Both are beautiful, captivating and emotive women. Oh, did we mention this is a comedy? Not to fear, though, since Diddy plans to land Eddie Murphy as his star. A cinch!

Before he gets too far, someone better tell Diddy that he can’t “sample” screenplays, or Murphy might find himself talking about pork belly futures and women from Queens all over again.