This image was lost some time after publication.

· Someone paid a visit to Closeted-Heartthrob Rapesville. Any suggestions? · Join us in mourning for MTV past and present. · Speaking of which, Spencer Pratt honed his worst-boyfriend routine. Heidi Montag withdrew to her blog. · Critically injured manager/producer Joan Hyler is making a quick recovery. Thanks, Nurse Arihead! · Jodie Foster's costly break-up threatened to upstage the Degeneres/de Rossi nuptials as the week's lesbian love story to beat. · Meanwhile, lesbian-of-convenience Courtenay Semel set the bar high for all those who will follow. · How did Christina Applegate beat cancer so fast? Oh. That's too bad. · Who's the better comedienne pundit: Roseanne Barr or Victoria Jackson? Actually, don't answer that. · The Fox-Warners Watchmen Blood Feud will only hurt the children. · Democratic wedding postponer Scarlett Johansson isn't Kanye West's favorite white girl for nothing. · In lieu of the CW showing us 90210 early, we settled for Shannen Doherty. Won't make that mistake again! · Naked-boy photographer and Star Wars toy licenser Howard Roffman seems like a nice enough guy. · Meet Wendy Williams, once and future TV talk-show goddess. · We took leisurely summer field trips to Molly McAleer's closet and refrigerator. Pizza, anyone? · As soon as God decides what He wants to do with the assholes remaking Poltergeist, believe us, we'll let you know.