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Bernie Madoff isn't so happy he's being forced to spend his days and nights confined to his $7 million Upper East Side co-op. "I'm a prisoner in my own house!" Madoff reportedly told a friend. "I can't go anywhere! I'm stuck here all day!" Apparently Bernie is particularly annoyed that "he can't even go outside just to go to the corner, or get something to eat." That's what Chinese delivery is for, silly! But as soon as we figure out how to bottle fresh air, we'll be sure to send that over and see if we have better luck this time. [NYP]