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We're nothing if not realists, and we know that Disaster Movie's unfortunate timing — opening on the three-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina (and three days before Hurricane Gustav's landfall) — and tepid $7 million four-day opening won't likely kill the spoof franchise the way discriminating audiences might hope. But even as the stakes plunge for its purveyors at Lionsgate, the series represents a boon of potential for stories like this one from Houston, where a noted critic's selfless attendance at a midnight screening offered a revelatory new perspective on the movie's bladder-challenged target audience:

This is something you might file under "Stuff I Wouldn’t Dare Make Up." I went to a midnight screening late Thursday/early Friday for Disaster Movie – and I actually was the only person in the theater. At least, that was the case for about 30 or so minutes into the movie. At the 30-minute mark, I noticed a young guy wandering in. (Can’t tell you his age for certain – it was, well, dark.) I thought this was kinda-sorta weird – remember, we’re talking close to 12:40 am at this point – but I figured, what the hell, maybe he just ducked in after seeing another movie in another auditorium of the megaplex. He sat down a few rows ahead of me. But after about five or so minutes, he stood up and… and… well, I am not 100 percent sure about this, but I think he took a leak. Really. Right there in the freakin’ auditorium. On the floor. And then, he left.

Amazing! And here we thought criticism was dying. Thanks for the pep talk, Houston — we needed that.