So there was an episode of The Hills on Sunday night, after or before the VMAs or something, but I totes missed it. So I'll give a quick recap of that based on the "Previously..." scenes: Vegas, Audrina fighting, Brody & Burrito end up in jail. There you go. So moving on to last night's installment of this most wan and listless study of moonbeams and other ephemera, our gleaming Los Angeles reality show. The boys returned from casino jail, Heidi's sister Heidigger fought with the wicked Spencer, and then there was crying. All in a week's heavily scheduled work. So yes, our episode began with Lo, Lauren, and Spencerina (Spencer's Snack Pak of a sister) flipping through the Las Vegas phonebook, trying to locate their wayward menfolk. Why did they have to get arrested, one of them wondered. "Because that's what boys do," replied Spencerina. Which made me want to jump into the television, Stay Tuned-style, and throttle the fucking idiot and shriek "no! that's what your stupid excuse for men do, you vapid harpy!" But instead I just took a gulp of wine and pressed on. So yes the boys came back and everything was OK. But everything was not OK for Lauren and Audy, who were icy cold to each other on their way to the airport. When they got back Lauren moaned about it to Whitney, who seems increasingly like she couldn't give two shits because she's, you know, working at the time. By the time Hellraiser's Pinhead Lady Gaga showed up at that event, Whitney was basically done listening to Lauren's BS. And Heidigger could have taken a cue from Whitney in the not-listening department, as she took the putty-faced, probably-needs-to-be-"taken out" Spencer's words to heart. "We all want you to move out," he told her. "Me, and Heidi, and the guy next door, and the president of Chile, and Tom Hanks, and the birds in the trees, and the crisp fall breeze, and Neptune, and all of Korea. We all want you to move out of this apartment." So she stormed off and then came back to a worried Heidi, wearing a completely different shirt (script supervisor???!) They talked it out and Bobo said that she wanted Hobo to stay because they were sisties 4 life and best friends and Heidigger can't get the dental work she so desperately needs in the ruined old ghost town of Crested Butte, CO. And then the floods came. Maudrina, after talking to the actually-kinda-weirdly-likable Justin Bobby, decided it was finally time to talk to Lauren about their increasing, Lo-related tensions. So she left her little pool house hermitage and went to the big house to talk to Mama C. They wept and accused each other of things and Lo was inexplicably off the hook and Lauren said, very naturally I think, that she would go to Audy's "weird" shows and "awkwardly bob her head" if only Audy would invite her. And their tears were real-ish and they decided in the end to go back, all the way back, like Emily Webb weeping at the end of Our Town, back! To, you know, being sorta fake friends. And then the music swelled and the credits rolled and Emily entered her grave and the Stage Manager closed the curtain and somewhere Spalding Gray, once such a great Stage Manager, sighed a watery sigh and that was that.