New Monster Terrorizes Hartford
(No, not insurance companies, har har) The summer of monsters is not quite over! There's a new scaly fellow prowling the Northeast. This one was photographed in swimming in a West Hartford reservoir by some kinda-crackpotty lady. It's got spikes and sorta looks like a stegosaurus mixed with an octopus. A stegopus. Don't worry, no one drinks that water, officials say, so there's no threat of contamination. Monster contamination. Now, everyone go to Hartford! —Sincerely, Hartford Tourism Board