While the hamster health advisory to which we alerted you yesterday remains in effect, chipmunks are still plenty safe to pet, hold and practice your screechy, overcranked rock vocals with. As luck would have it, the most influential chipmunk band in history is seeking a new singer since Alvin, its leader of 40+ years, reportedly fled the band in a carefully plotted publicity campaign drug- and ego-fueled solo bender on the eve of its new album. But the vacancy is a double-edged sword for the rest of us, an unwitting culture faced with the prospect of the record label's actual "Chipmunk Auditions":

Do you have what it takes to be a Chipmunk?

· All you need to do is put together an audition tape and post it to our YouTube channel. · For your backing track you can use “We’re The Chipmunks," “Witch Doctor” or any song you really love. · Hit us with a little high-pitched sped-up vocalizing, or sing like you always do. · Dance, dress up, use props, go “nuts.” In other words, Get Munked!

Naturally this is a Sarah Palin gig waiting to happen, but that doesn't mean the bodies of pitchy, precocious dreamers aren't piling up behind him on YouTube — which is where we leave you now to plot either your strategy or your revenge. Us, we think we'll take a hamster after all.