Despite Bravo's claims to the contrary, Kathy Griffin is still insisting that she hasn't yet signed with them for another season of My Life on the D-List, saying in a Windy City Times interview that she's been unsuccessful in extracting "tens more dollars" from the "cheap bastards." With dreary business gotten out of the way, they then moved on to juicier matters, allowing Griffin to do what she does best—tear mercilessly into America's most beloved easy targets. What better place to start, then, than the cracked braintrust holding court at The View, predominated lately by "fucking Survivor reject" Elisabeth Hasselbeck?

WCT: Any new thoughts on The View? KG: Ohhh. First of all, I still can't get over the fact that Sherri Shepherd thinks the earth is flat. That's already hysterical to me. Also, she told Bill Maher that God personally speaks to her. I am fascinated by that Somehow, Elizabeth Hasselbeck has snowed American audiences into not knowing that she is a fucking Survivor reject. I am sorry; I am going to listen to the political beliefs of someone who wore wacky scarves on Survivor? God knows Barbara [Walters] can't stand me, but at least I listen to her because she has interviewed every world leader, living and dead. Of course I like Whoopi and Joy very much. I get along great with them. Sherri is a pistol. But this notion that everyone has to be quiet and listen to Hasselbeck is out of control. It's always amusing to hear her lose her points when you watch her on YouTube.com. WCT: She seems more and more stressed out. KG: She's getting more and more strident; that's for sure. But also, I am not sure why Babs treats her like a rock star. Believe me: When I was there, Barbara Walters was kicking my shins under the table

She may have traded in wacky scarves for frumpy, mismatched underthings, but we ourselves have not been snowed into thinking Hasselbeck is anyone other than Survivor 2's machiavellian shoe designer from Hell. It's those precise, instinctive survival skills that have gotten Hasselbeck this far into her View tenure, and we doubt we'll really see her exit before an inevitable episode-gone-wrong results in the feral hostess crouched over a lifeless Joy Behar, snapping rabidly at security as she smothers herself in the comedienne's gutted remains.