Does anyone else feel like The Hills might be, gulp!, wrapping up? I mean, with Lauren barely in it anymore, Heidi and Spencer not even bothering to act like they don't completely hate each other, Audrina all content, finally, with Justin Bobby... I mean, it feels like it's almost over. There are still a couple of miles to go before they sleep, what with Heidi and Spencer needing to have some sort of spectacular meltdown (or, shudder, make-up), and Whitney needing to pack her steamer trunk and herd on over to New York City for good. But still... there's a lingering late-summer feel to the whole affair these days, and last night's typically melancholy proceedings were no exception. We were greeted, as always, with the swirl of mountains and late afternoon sun and the glittery title card that said "One Last Chance." The goal of the episode, I guess, was to figure out for whom was there a last chance? Was it Lauren's last chance to show the producers she still cared? Heidi's last chance to work at SBE? Audrina's last, best hope with grumbly Justin Bobby? Holly and Spencerina's last chance to be characters on the show? Spencer's last chance to not ruin his fake relationship's slim credibility with his relentlessly unforgivable assholishness? I think, really, it was all of those things. An episode as quiet-yet-busy as life itself. Lauren and Audrina went for drinks at a noisy bar (lots of annoying dubbing in that scene!) to talk about how they should talk more, now that Audrina has abandoned her little hermitage at Conradshire to live in a sprawling apartment of her own. They chatted about Holly, Heidi's chipmunkish sister who was crashing at Lauren's for the time being, and Audrina seemed vaguely surprised but mostly just happy that she no longer had to deal the protracted silliness of the whole feud. She had the sorta-frustrating but mostly charming serenity of someone contently in love. Nothing could phase or upset her. Well, save for her beloved. Who was nice in this episode! They went to Venice Beach and Audrina marveled at how it was sooo different from the little enclaves of Hollywood that she usually rattles around in. It's true! It's like Los Angeles is a big city with lots of neighborhoods and different kinds of people or something! Justin Bobby said that this was his jam, this is where he wanted to be, because being here made him feel like he didn't need to be the asshole that he is when he's in Hollywood. So I guess that's some weird, sideways way of saying that you've grown up a bit, and the same petty trappings no longer concern you. They lay on a little mound and spoke of happiness and it was, as staged and camera-adjacent as it may have been, a genuinely nice little moment. They walked off into the sunset and I wish they'd stayed there for all time. Not that anything got ruined! They had dinner later and he presented her, in charming fashion, with a little gift. It was, I guess, a shirt she'd seen in Venice and he'd gone back to get it. Which is nice and means he was paying attention! What was sad, though, was how ridiculously happy she seemed about it. I mean, yeah, it was cool. But, erm, it was just a little shirt, not an engagement ring. I guess it's testament to how resoundingly shitty JB has been in the past. Then they made plans to go on a trip, a Cabo do-over!!!, and you kind of realized that maybe they weren't all that changed and grownup. But still, there's something there. I think we're almost ready to give them our blessing and send them off into the great unknown. Meanwhile, at Crappington Corners, those two hideous vulture creatures were cawing and pecking at each other ceaselessly. Well, OK, it was mostly Spencer who was doing the antagonizing, but Heidi glumly played along. They're both complicit in this misery. She was cleaning her closet because she doesn't have a job and Spencer came in and asked if she wanted to see a movie. She said she didn't, because she was mad at him for getting her fired. He snipped back about her crazy moms and stuff and they went back and forth for a while and eventually Heidi looked like she was just going to pass out from all the agony of having this conversation once again, with this dreadful person, in this sad blue room. Later Lauren dropped the bomb to Spencerina that Holly was shacking up with her, so of course Spencerina immediately gopher-tunneled over to Castle Dracula to tell the bickering harpies. Heidi just looked shocked and hurt (well rehearsed!) while Spencer was, of course, nasty and said things about Heidi's sister, and about his sister, and about Heidi's mother, and not about his mother. The only nice little thing came from Spencer making a little noise behind his sister, she turned, and he had made up a little plate of food for her. That was like, natural-seeming and comfortable and not aggressive, but the teeny tiny moment quickly disappeared and we were back to Starship Troopers, in which the couple plays both incredibly stupid Denise Richards and Casper van Dien wannabes and the bugs that regularly try to devour them. I just want Neil Patrick Harris to come out and do some mind bendy stuff and make them calm. Or I want one of the big-brain sucking bugs to show up and just end it once and for all. But alas we got no relief and the, well, big brain-sucking bug gave us a glimpse of what it has in store for us next week, which looks like more of the same tired, sun-splashed agita. If it does end soon I'd like the last shots to be: Lauren: Wanders down crowded street and disappears, a la Carrie B. at the end of the Sex and the City series. Or she's at some big fashion event and has had a success and the camera slowly pulls back and out the door, leaving her alone at the party forever. Audrina: She and Justin Bobby on an airplane, going somewhere. They grab hands and hold tight, smile. She stares out the window. Then a look of slight panic crosses her face. Like at the end of The Graduate. That's all we get from her. The Sisters: Spencerina is shown pregnant and smoking a cigarette on some dreary corner of Sunset, sipping a Big Gulp. Holly is shown disinterestedly working the boot and ski rental at a mountain in Colorado. She checks her cell phone to see if anyone's called. No one has. Heidi & Spencer: Spencer is shown by the side of the road. His car has broken down. For some reason, he doesn't have his wallet with him. He realizes he has no one to call to come help him. Finally he swallows his pride and calls Heidi. She sees the phone ringing on the seat next to her, but she doesn't answer it. She's got a head scarf on and she's driving in a convertible on the highway and she's off for somewhere else. She floors it and her scarf comes flying off. The camera follows it for a second, dancing in the breeze, then pans up to the twirling sun and then credits roll, like at the end of The English Patient. Anyway, that's how I see it.