Cindy Adams, Page Six's also-ran aging gossipeuse, got scooped about ten years ago by the internet, but hasn't let it stop her or slow her. No, she's pressing on, writing columns about topics like the weather today and her insidious celebrity gambling problem. It's true! She has so many famous friends and so many dark impulses to throw her money down a well of anxiety and despair. And she's not betting on ponies. No, she's wagering on strange, ineffable things. Like home repair and Broadway musicals.

Another little piece of story. Last year I bet that Judge Judy's house wouldn't be finished by a certain time. I lost. I paid. Six months ago I made an election wager with Larry King. I lost. My check's been written to him. Nov. 8, 2007, Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein" opened. Investor Harvey Weinstein bet me $10,000 it would run five years. I said, "No . . . nyet . . . nisht." The closing notice was posted last week. His check arrived Friday. Harvey, that money's going to the ASPCA. Animals have no voice. It is we who must help them. Your 10 grand will go for those helpless homeless creatures we love. Thanks. Pleasure to do business with you.

If that's not the most hilariously sad paragraph you've read in a long while, you might be actually be Cindy Adams. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write Rooney a check. I bet him that Diller wouldn't make it up those stairs, but dammit if she did with aplomb. And a plum. Oh, Diller.