Yesterday Ad Age humorist Simon Dumenco issued a fake report about Disney laying off a Jonas Brother. But he didn't say which one! And it's an important thing to consider. Who would you axe?

Wait, first things first. You know who the Jonas Brothers are, right? They're the pro-Christian moptop rockadoo savin' it boyband from New Jersey who have set thousands of adolescent lady (and some gent) loins into exciting first tinglings. They are as beloved as any quickly evaporating flash in the pan ever is. They're the late aughts' pop-emopunk answer to the mid-nineties' pop-grunge sensation Hanson. Only bigger.

Anyway, if one were to get laid off, which should it be? Obviously Elderjonas Kevin is the homeliest. So it could be him. But think carefully on that. If his little pirogi face is eliminated from the group, will the collective hotness of curly-cue cutey Nick and smoldering fop Joe just be too much to bear? Will it disrupt some delicate and important balance?

If you get rid of the arguably homosexualest member, middle brother Joe, then the group loses some of its tight-panted derring-do. He's the glamrock sparkle! The ambiguous, androgynous skinny little question mark. The group needs him, doesn't it? Though if he did get cut, the group could take on a harder, slightly more masculine edge. Which, I dunno, might help.

And if you lose Nick... well then you lose the squealing girls. He's the baby-faced, sugar-hearted (he's diabetic!!), soft-spoken groin kindling. He may not have a whit of singing ability—unless barely-controlled, ball-grasping whining is the fashion of the day (which it might be)—but he's the reason girls flock to the concerts and TV specials and whatnot. But he's also only like 16. So if they set him free to pursue solo projects (many, many "solo projects"), the band could take on a more mature air.

So the question is now laid out before you: