Ted Stevens Exonerated!

So Ted Stevens, the corrupt old bastard who invented Alaska and ruled it with an iron open palm for 100 years, is no longer a convicted felon. It is a proud day for America.

While there is no doubt in our mind that former Senator Stevens is genuinely felonious, the Feds, the FBI, and the Bush Justice Department so thoroughly fucked up the prosecution that we shouldn't be surprised at this late "exoneration."

• A prosecution witness recanted his testimony and later claimed he made up his testimony because of death threats made against him by his uncle Bill Allen, the oil company owner who gave Stevens all those gifts.
• Then an FBI agent involved in the wide-ranging Alaska corruption investigations came forward with allegations that the government investigation was marred with the exact same sort of hilarious bribery and favor-trading that makes up Alaska politics in general.
• The DOJ tried to relocate a witness that the defense subpoenaed in the middle of the trial, and then they forgot to redact the names of the people they wanted redacted in their own request to redact those names, because their investigation was apparently run by the DOJ's "Kindergarten Cops" division.
• Supposedly another FBI agent was sleeping with Bill Allen.
• Then the names of all the folks shamed in that FBI whistle-blower's statement were released, even though they didn't give consent.
• The judge held the prosecution in contempt for ignoring a court order.
• Then, in February, the Justice Department finally replaced the morons who'd been running the prosecution.
• But it was too late. Eric Holder admitted defeat and dropped the charges against Stevens.

So hey, if you were an elected official, 2000-2008 was basically your window to do any fucking thing you wanted because the Bush Justice Department was staffed by illiterate morons. Congratulations to Ted Stevens, the most innocent man in America!