Oh April Fools' Idol! You had no fooling. It was a traditionally brusque and quick and not-at-all-time-wastey affair, straight and to the point. Ha ha! April Fools! It was long and boring and stupid.

So we started with the wistful, ax-grinding group number Don't Stop Believin', that iconic Journey song that King Bowser Randy once jammed out to on stage. Allison tore it up, as did Kristina Allen. The rest of them muddled through, especially Lil who sounded really terrible. And looked it too! In her angel-from-a-cheesy-80's-show glowing white pantsuit. So that happened.

Then, ohhh I don't know. There was another Ford ad. This one was about their faces being mixed up so you could see what Lil's eyes would look like with a Gokeybeard beneath them, or what Scott would do with Allison's hair. It was mildly amusing, in the way that those Ford ads are all such terrific calamities that it's a wonder they haven't ripped a hole in the space-time continuum into which we're all sucked and left to drift eternally in a merciless black void. What was not mildly amusing, but sort of interesting, was the video where all of the Irdol kids talked about how awesome it is being an Irdol kid. They liked the food and all the camera flashes. Kris came on and made his sexy photo shoot face and oh lord, the girlies (and some boysies) did shriek and die.

Apparently everyone on Idol likes to think they are good at winking, inside-joke, so fucking stupid impressions. Like they can growl like Danny Gokey. So you can you! I just did it, out loud, alone in my apartment. Do it too! In your office or wherever! Right now! Gokey Growwwllllllllllll! It's fun. And not at all hard to do. So stop showing off, you dumb Irdol kids.

So then, I dunno, David Cook performed like the jackass that he is. Two random girls wandered onto the stage and gave him a big shiny platinum record. He sold a million records. Good for him. Also, Lady GaGa did an awesome, pink-translucent-piano performance of that P-P-P-Poker Face song, mostly so Adam Lambert could see how the real, genuine weirdos do it. Then the bottom three were announced.

'Noopz. Fair enough.

Megan Joy. Correct.

Allison. Ugh.

The Allison thing is... disheartening. But what I wonder is this: Are the judges perhaps deliberately torpedoing her not because they want to see her fail but because... they want to see her fail on the show? Like, she's sixteen and her pipes are ridonk and current and whatnot, so maybe they want to free her from the burdensome Idol contract by having her pull a J.Hud or a C.Daught and be sent packing early. That way they have more freedom to mold her into their desired form. So, that's my secret hope. That's what I hope is going on. I'm wrong, of course, but still. A boy can dream. About Allison from American Idol. (But, really, mostly about Kris. I didn't know you sailed AND preferred not to wear pants, Kris!)

When Megan Joy found out that she was in the bottom three, she did some weirdo trying to poke fun at herself Caw-Caw bird thing that was just off-putting. All the other Irdol kids did too! Oh well.

Then she got the bad news.

Simon shut her the fuck down and was like "We're not even going to pretend to consider you for the lifesaver." It'd be nice if that was because they felt she didn't deserve the chance. But really, it's probably because they read the interblogs and found out that people knew they were just dicking around when pretending to consider Michael the Roughneck, so they were like "awww hell, forget it." So. She's really pretty. She'll be just fine.

OK! This is over.

And by "this" I kinda wish I meant American Idol. But I don't.

8 more to go.