As we stare at the ash-filled bowl on the coffee table and consider ourselves—hardly dressed, reeking of failure—we begin to see why some say dope is for dopes. And one of Anderson Cooper's blogging soldiers would agree!

Yes, in a hilariously Nervous Nellie blog piece on the Anderson Cooper 360 web page, a CNN Special Investigations Unit reporter named Drew Griffin solves ripped-from-the-headlines sex crimes issues a delicate screed against our funkiest herb:

There is no doubt, in the minds of these people who come in contact with users, growers, smugglers and junkies, that marijuana use is terrible for the individuals who engage in it. It is not just a pathway to stronger drugs; it is, in and of itself, a recipe for losers. People who call themselves ‘casual users,' in the minds of law enforcement, are deluding themselves into believing they are not affected by this drug. They compare it to the drunk who believes he can actually drive better with a few drinks inside.

Which is all ridiculous hoo-ha gobbledygook. One man's loser is another man's, well, self. If we didn't sit around stoned all day Sunday watching The Da Vinci Code on TNT for the eighth mind-numbing time, then who would, dear sir?

Anyway, that's not really the point. The point is that it's jarring to see such a ridiculous scared soccer mom post on the website that sports the big, all-knowing gay visage of Anderson Cooper on the top of every page. Dude's from like serious money. Which means he probably toked a spliff or got lost in a gravity bong a few times in his day. Because he could afford it. And all rich kids do drugs. This is a fact.

And, also. If a state like teeny, tiny, beautiful-but-totally-irrelevant Rhode Island can pass a law allowing medical marijuana dispensaries, then shouldn't a reporter for CNN's special rape squad Chris Meloni team (great, if terrifying, show to watch stoned, btw) be able to stop all the senseless finger-wagging? C'mon, man. It's two thousand and goddamned nine. Live in the Now. Just live in it.