Today we have a cranky author who wants Page Six to write about him more, a celebrity chef who's only skinny because she poops a lot, and a reformed drinker who's very cautious about relapsing.

1) "Which self-important, philandering writer who was dumped recently by his long-suffering wife is complaining that his jerky behavior is no longer covered on Page Six, moaning, 'You start getting used to it. And then you pick up the paper and you're not there and you think, "Well, what am I, chopped liver?" ' " [NYP]

2) "Which unnaturally thin celebrity chef credits her bony frame to good eating habits, but really is addicted to laxatives?" [NYP]

3) "Which actor may have transformed himself from the drinker he once was, but still travels with his sponsor to avoid a slipup?" [NYDN]

4) "This annual party has lost its exclusive edge over the years, but since its for charity, we'll be kind. Despite his recent relationship troubles, this controversial young guy spent a lot of time at the party with a girl who appeared to be his date. She is known in her genre, but isn't quite as mainstream as the girl from whom controversial guy is currently estranged. She must have partied harder than observed, because once out in the parking lot, she opened the car door to heave out the side, and then slammed the door and drove away. It's a pity that she couldn't enjoy the party sober." [BlindGossip]

Oh, and! The guy at Crazy Days and Nights is revealing the identities of a ton of items. Freedom!