The Way We Live Now: Stereotypically. Cops are stealing donuts. Other things are happening too, but cops are stealing donuts. Come on, guys.

NYPD Sgt. Eric Turetsky is under investigation by Internal Affairs for allegedly helping himself to whatever he wanted, repeatedly, at a Queens Dunkin Donut shop. Just walking on in and stealing those donuts. While being a cop.

God.

Subprime brokers, the villainous villains of the mortgage meltdown, are pulling themselves up by their own stolen bootstraps, recasting themselves as "fixers" who can help you with your loans.

Dishonest? Sure. But still not as stereotypical as Sgt. Eric Turetsky with a French cruller crammed into his mouth.

In Las Vegas, the good times are over. During the boom years, waitresses and construction workers could take advantage of the free-spending visitors to achieve the American dream for themselves. No more. Those condos they bought are being repossessed as the economy spirals downwards. Here's what one working class dude had to say:

"It's Vegas," says Mr. Johnson, who fears he could lose most of his deposit. "We gambled."

A quote right out of a bad, bad movie script? Sure. But still not as stereotypical as Sgt. Eric Turetsky, hopping the counter to fix himself a Boston Creme sandwich.

Halliburton's profit fell by half. Ha.

Stereotypical karma in action. But not as stereotypical as Sgt. Eric Turetsky grinning as he removed three strawberry frosted and a glaze with his nightstick, left a buck on the counter for a tip, leered at the cashier, and went outside to beat a minority with his pastry-encrusted weapon.

We must all try harder.

[Actually Sgt. Eric Turetsky was a hero in the Louima case! Sad. Pic via]