Beautiful Snork-female Gretchen Carlson is still on vacation, so Replacement Lady is filling in. Badly. While talking about a Bernie Madoff story she managed to reveal that she's just functionally-not-capably reading the TelePrompTer, without comprehending any of it.

"I hadn't heard that," she says about some Madoff thing. Chuckling hyena Steve Doocy points out that, oops, Replacey has just revealed that none of this news is ever reviewed beforehand. They're just making it up as they go along! Everyone in the studio laughed at this because everyone's drunk or stoned or dumb or something and what else can you do when confronted by a steaming pile of idiocy but laugh at it and quietly hope that the world swallows you up forever?

Gretchen, my love. I know you're off in Bermuda being served drinks by scary Uighurs or maybe sunning yourself in sun-splashed, conservative-outpost Orange County, but you need to come back. I miss your thinkin' face and your "Well that's weird" summations of everything you don't understand and therefore don't agree with. Replacement Lady has just dismantled the entire show by proving its stupidity! She's ruining it for everyone! Gretchen, I flashed that ragdoll-shaped signal up into the night sky for a reason. Return to us.