The Way We Live Now: "Poised to grow." Seriously, is that supposed to be encouraging? Your beard is poised to grow, Bernanke. You're rich. You'll be fine. The rest of us? All hoping we win that Free Banana Suit.

Yea, so, rejoice, or whatever, poverty-stricken Americans: Ben Bernanke swears that "the prospects for a return to growth in the near term appear good." Is that the same as "The economy is recovering now?" Ha, no, not at all, it's hedged more than...some hedge fund that went broke, I don't know, Google it. Prospects appear good. That is already two degrees of separation from "good."

Meanwhile stocks and oil are at yearlong highs! Just goes to show the ironclad connection between Wall Street and Main Street.

We have more immediate concerns: Some dude is giving away a Free Banana Suit. First come first served. Winner wins. Losers lose. And the Big Banana carries on unscathed.