The Week We Leaked a Sex Tape

Well, it wasn't really a sex tape, per se, but it was sexy. People seemed to be interested in it! Let's look back at the stories everyone was talking about during the week that Kari Ann Peniche's career began and ended.

• We showed what Hollywood's B-list means by "a good hang," and also showed you (we censored it) Eric "McSteamy" Dane's wee-wee.
• Oh! Also we showed you Jennifer Aniston's (probably not) hoo-ha.
• Bernie Madoff's weiner was also in the news, on account of its smallness.
• Robert Novak died, and we spoke ill of the dead.
• The assault on America's mayors continued.
• We accused Rupert Murdoch of being a big fat liar about making people pay for news. His own people don't know it yet, but trust us: He's lying about something.
• Now you can calibrate your outrage over racial profiling using our handy chart. As for your outrage over homophobia—get over it. Just cause you're gay doesn't mean you're not an asshole.
• Annie Leibovitz is still screwed, and will probably file for bankruptcy.
• A bunch of old people tried to understand the Twitter, one after the other, on TV.
• Jackbooted thugs from the Department of Labor raided Ronn [sic] Torossian's PR firm to investigate workplace violations, and he bravely faced them down by pretending not to be Ronn [sic] Torossian.
• Fox News' road-raging bicyclist-dragger escaped justice, and his mustachioed victim spoke out for bicyclists everywhere. And Fox News' white-raging knuckle-dragger disappeared from the air just like his advertisers disappeared from his show, only to turn up at the Museum of Natural history.
• Oh, town halls. We will miss you when you go. At this one, a crazy lady yelled "Heil Hitler" at a Jewish guy, and we tried to figure out if wingnuts are for that or against that. We think both, maybe. At this other one, Barney Frank made up for the fact that he's a smug pointy-headed bastard by being a smug pointy-headed bastard. And then we found out his victim was a Lyndon LaRouche cultist.
• Serial journalistic fabricator and plagiarist Jayson Blair hung up his shingle as a life coach, and the Washington Post got a fake trend story out of it.
• We brought democracy to Afghanistan.
• And Project Runway returned, on a different channel.
• Anything else? It was August, so no, not really.