While you were sleeping, America: the CIA performed "mock executions" on torture detainees! You know, to scare them! Mr. Torture Beat 2009, Newsweek's Michael Isikoff, reported the CIA's upcoming release of "long-suppressed" reports detailing instances. How bad are we talking?

Oh, you know, nothing that isn't going to (A) make the rest of the world think Americans' we-won't-but-we-will play of turn-a-cheek policy regarding torture wasn't historically despicable, (B) cause much quasi-self-effacing hand wringing by all sides, and (C) piss the Bad Guys off even more. Like:

According to two sources-one who has read a draft of the paper and one who was briefed on it-the report describes how one detainee, suspected USS Cole bomber Abd al-Rahim al-Nashiri, was threatened with a gun and a power drill during the course of CIA interrogation. According to the sources, who like others quoted in this article asked not to be named while discussing sensitive information, Nashiri's interrogators brandished the gun in an effort to convince him that he was going to be shot. Interrogators also turned on a power drill and held it near him.

Yeah, so basically, we threatened guys with trepanation. Don't tell us the information you've already told us you don't have after we've knowingly permanently traumatized you, and we'll put this drill in your skull. There's a Beavis & Butthead element to this, somewhere: it's some absurd - a power drill? - but sadly, not, because it actually happened. They even put on a little dog and pony for the detainees by harnessing the power of the theatah!

The report also says, according to the sources, that a mock execution was staged in a room next to a detainee, during which a gunshot was fired in an effort to make the suspect believe that another prisoner had been killed. The inspector general's report alludes to more than one mock execution.

Will Eno would be proud! Or something. Talk about breaking the fourth wall. Or the law. Or human dignity. Or protocol. Apparently, Mock Executions "weren't authorized" by the Justice Department, so don't even think of blaming them for it. At least you know what the party line's already going to be. Like all the other terrible things happening in the U.S. military these days: don't ask, don't tell. Or in this case: don't even think about it.