Oh, Glenn Beck. Why are you not content to be just a run of the mill asshole? Why must you bring celebrity interpretations into the mix, as you did this evening with a Kermit the Frog impression? It's sad.

Most journalists like to at least pretend that they're professionals, but Beck obviously rejects such posturing, for he's already impersonated Gandolf and now, while discussing declining newspaper subscriptions, channeled Kermit the Frog. Miss Piggy will not approve. And, honestly, neither do we.

Who are you, Beck? Can you please act like a human being? Or, at the very least, an adult? Shit, if it were this easy to be a journalist, we'd have a Pulitzer by now.