As my momma used to say, secrets don't make friends, but they make for great enemies and terrific currency. Last night the Upper East Side was full of loose lips, sinking ships, and the most ghetto Southeby's auction ever.

It was really just a lame excuse to get all the characters in the same room so that "Scott" could fess up about his identity with another lie, Serena could diss old enemy Georgina, Chuck and Blair could make up, and Vanessa could wear another heinous outfit out in public. Really, V, it's actually getting a little bit boring talking about your shitty style. Maybe if you stopped shopping at the sales rack at Urban Outfitters you might get a little more clout with your fancy friends.

Dorota
 Sexual Intrigue: Her washing skills help Blair have sloppy sex: +20
Social Schemes: Her "counter intelligence isn't what it used to be": -5
Total: 15
Season to Date: 24
Power Position: Up

Georgina
 Family Secrets: Figures out "Scott" is playing everyone in about three seconds: +2, Finds the real "Scott" in about 2 seconds because, well, this isn't Georgina's first time at the rodeo: +5, Overhears "Scott's" secret: +6
Sexual Intrigue: Gets majorly cock blocked by Blair: -2, Is all up in Dan's grill: -3, Dan disses her hardcore: -3
Fashion Points: Everything about her auction outfit: -3
Social Schemes: Made up Blair's little social club and the restaurateur wanting the painting to make Chuck and Blair feud: +6, It almost works: +1, In the end, Serena foils her brilliant plot: -4
Power Play: Keeps Vanessa from telling Dan the secret about "Scott": +1, Somehow wrangles her way into the auction: +1, Now that she has been spurned by Dan and knows what's up with "Scott" she is going to start some serious shit: +2
Personality Flaw: Really, G, do you want to waste your formidable scheming talents on Dan?: -6
Total: 3
Season to Date: 23
Power Position: Down

Dan
 Family Secrets: Figures out "Scott" is his crazy stalker: +1, Had no clue he's really his brother: -2
Sexual Intrigue: Doesn't want anyone to know he's schtupping Georgina: +2, Tells Georgina he doesn't want to go steady, but still gets roped into hanging out with her: -1, Puts the ice on his "thing" with Georgina when Serena jogs his memory and reminds him that she is a crazy psycho: +4, She is going to go crazy on you like a Heart song: -2
Fashion Points: Shirtless!: +5
Power Play: Warns Vanessa that "Scott" isn't who he seems: +2, Duh, she already knows: -3
Personality Flaw: Still cares about Vanessa, -3
Total: 3
Season to Date: 2
Power Position: Up

Blair
 Family Secrets:
Sexual Intrigue: Hasn't gotten laid in 5 days: -1, Gives Chuck the painting so she can get laid: -2
Fashion Points: That yellow ruffley thing: -1, The fierce blue trench coat: +3, The ugly undies underneath: -4, Changes back into the ugly yellow ruffles: -2, Metallic print dress: +4, Strange braid configuration: -3, Again with the ruffles: -1
Social Schemes: Totally fucks with Serena and Carter because she doesn't like him: +4, Steals Chucks Bottega Veneta shoes: +6, Lost photo to Serena: -2, Gets caught out for fucking with Carter: -2,
Power Play: Stops Dan and Georgina from consummating their evil lust: +1
Total: 0
Season to Date: -1
Power Position: Up

Chuck
 Sexual Intrigue: Hasn't had sex with Blair in five days: -1, Uses sex to distract Blair from the auction: +4, Blair gives up the painting so he'll give it up: +2, Finally does it with Blair: +2
Fashion Points: Yellow suspenders: +1, More purple: -1
Social Schemes: Lets some nameless little girl school him when he goes for a meeting: -2, Loses photo to Serena: -2, Totally fucked with Carter: +4, Get caught out for it: -2, Got played by Georgina: -3, Get's that stupid bitch that played him fired: +5
Money: Sells all his stocks to buy a hotel: 0 (pending SEC investigation)
Total: 1
Season to Date: -3
Power Position: Up

Serena
 Sexual Intrigue: Can't believe that her man isn't a cheating, partying asshole: -1, Feels bad when she finds out it was all a ploy by Chuck and Blair: -2, Oh, snap! Her boy got secrets: -1
Fashion Points: What the hell was that atrocious maroon boob divider?: -3, Apparently had a bejeweled vest made out of discarded Pier 1 place mats: -2
Social Schemes: Steals the photo from Chuck and Blair: +6, Figures out Georgina's plot to embarrass Chuck and Blair: +4, Let's Dan know that Georgina is still as crazy as when she invented an alter ego to try to get in his pants the first time: +3, Let's Chuck and Blair fool her into thinking her man is scum: -2
Power Play: Still manages to shame Dan for sleeping with Georgina: +1, Blair lets her feelings about Carter be known: -1, Lets Chuck and Blair know what she did last summer: +1
Money: All her fancy credit cards make Carter feel poor: -2
Personality Flaw: Somehow hanging out with Carter makes her even dumber, -3
Total: -2
Season to Date: -17
Power Position: Up

Nate
 Sexual Intrigue: Takes his naughty affair with Brie Buckley public: +5, Oh snap, the girl has got secrets!: -15
Fashion Points: His manbangs still have not recovered from their recent mauling: -5
Total: -15
Season to Date: -20
Power Position: Down

Rufus
 Family Secrets: Finds out "Scott" isn't who he says he is: +2, Gets fed another lie: -4, He believes it: -1
Sexual Intrigue: Lily isn't even around and he's still doing her bidding at the auction: -3
Fashion Points: Repeated hair system offenses: -2
Power Play: Is letting crazy "Scott" into his life: -3
Personality Flaw: Remember that other little thing you spawned, the one with the bad bangs and the eyeliner? Yeah, we didn't think so: -4
Total: -15
Season to Date: -20
Power Position: Down

"Scott"
 Family Secrets: Gets caught out by stupid Vanessa: -3, Finds out his parents lied to Lily and Rufus: +2, Tells Rufus he's been lying: -4, Does it with another lie: +5, Georgina knows the truth and she does not play around: -10
Social Schemes: His plan to tell Rufus is spoiled by his mom: -2, Georgina and Dan figure him out in about 9 seconds: -2
Power Play: Is making inroads into Rufus' life: +3
Personality Flaw: He trusts self-righteous lady dread queen Vanessa with his secret?: -4, Is shaping up to be a rather bland villain/psycho: -1
Total: -16
Season to Date: -21
Power Position: Down

Vanessa
 Family Secrets: Discovers "Scott" is lying: +3, "Scott" tells her his secret: +5, You know that she will never keep a secret: -3, Tells the secrets as soon as she can get Dan to that lame coffee shop set they keep using: -3
Sexual Intrigue: "Scott" is still lying to her: -4
Fashion Points: Wear's a maxi dress to Southeby's. A maxi dress: -4
Power Play: Is all judgey about Dan and Georgina: -1, Lets Georgina find out about "Scott's" secret because she has a big ol' mouth: -4
Total: -15
Season to Date: -37
Power Position: Down

Jenny
 Family Secrets: Doesn't seem to care about this "Scott" character: -2
Fashion Points: This girl wants to go into fashion but is wearing a multi-colored heart print: -5
Power Play: Made an appearance with her mute gay shadow: +5, They were then locked in a broom closet at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre while trying to get naked pictures of Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig in their dressing rooms. They miss the rest of the episode: -20
Total: -22
Season to Date: -53
Power Position: Down

Lily
 Family Secrets: Everyone is meeting the crazy she gave up for adoption except her: -5
Power Play: Has a photo up for auction, but people would rather bid on some stupid Patrick McMullan party pic: -20
Personality Flaw: Continues a long pattern of neglect by not caring about Serena and that little gay one who we have barely seen: -10
Total: -35
Season to Date: -67
Power Position: Down