Tonight at midnight, same-sex couples in Nevada will be able to register as domestic partners. How are Vegas gays commemorating the event? By squabbling over whether or not to have a big gay wedding. Please, it's not gay enough!

When Earl Shelton, the associate publisher of local gay magazine QVegas, wanted to celebrate his union with his partner at the Erotic Heritage Museum in a ceremony officiated by an Elvis impersonator and lorded over by drag charity group the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a bunch of the assimilationist gays got their boxers in a bunch. They knew that the media would have a field day with a gay marriage in a sex museum with a bunch of drag queens.

They're right, they would. So fucking what? The people that are going to be upset about this already hate gay marriage or domestic partnerships or whatever rights the states deign to give our people, so it's not like one ceremony is going to ruin the gay marriage equality movement. And, to all the beige gays out there with their tasteful ceremonies, I have to break the news to you, but we're different. No matter how much we want to convince the straights that we can have the same sort of staid unions that they have been celebrating for centuries, part of being a part of the gay culture means being different. Yes, that means that gay people are going to want drag queen weddings and leather weddings and Melissa Ethridge-and-Birkenstock-only weddings and very tasteful affairs where the grooms wear matching tuxes and everything goes just like Emily Post says it should. If you want the world to get their nose out of relationships, why don't we start by taking our noses out of each others' wedding ceremonies.

So, here are some even gayer ways the radical queers in Vegas can have the rainbow nuptuals of thier dreams. Gay it up, queens! You have our blessing:

1. On stage in the Bette Midler/Cher/Celine Dion theater at Caesar's Palace with Kathy Griffin officiating and introducing each diva as they come out to do a number. The grooms will enter to "Vogue" but they will not walk down the aisle, they will vogue. The tuxes will be by Christian Siriano. As the grooms leave, Neil Patrick Harris makes a surprise entrance and does the closing number from this year's Tonys—shirtless.

2. During the annual Adult Video News conference, a leather fetish wedding held at the Las Vegas Eagle. Grooms to wear only harnesses and chaps with matching hats and will be carried into the bar on litters carried by naked pornstars. All guests will be required to wear fetish gear. During the reception, dancers will do the world's longest dance to "YMCA" getting the ceremony in the Guinness Book of World Records.

3. All naked wedding in the pool of Entourage. Yes, it's a bath house.

4. A take-over of Krave, the big gay dance club will feature Offer Nissim spinning from 2am until noon the next day. Instead of rings, the grooms exchange matching tribal tattoos and dance to the best dance remix of CeCe Peniston's "Finally" the world has ever heard.

5. Siegfried and Roy theme.