There is something awkward about a single-source story wherein the source's accusation that the subject stole her panties and discarded a used vibrator in her bed never comes up. Sometimes it's worth it, though.

In case you missed it: Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson's ex, Jasmine Lennard, has accused the heiress of breaking, entering, and committing sexy crimes in her home. She found out because Casey's "lesbian Don Juan" girlfriend Courtenay Semel noticed that Casey was wearing Jasmine's panties and recommended calling the cops.

Now Jasmine is hitting Casey in where it hurts, reports Page Six in a truly epic item. Her money, which her mother has allegedly cut off until Casey goes to rehab:

Her house on Mulholland Drive is a mess. The electricity is off, there are rats, the pool is green. She was supposed to be evicted and her Porsche is being repossessed.

And her maternal instincts:

I had been caring for Ava for several months. Casey fired her nanny, then realized it was Nicky Hilton's birthday party and had nobody to look after her. She asked if I could have Ava for the night, then didn't come back for 10 days.

Basically, she got bored of buying herself bags and shoes and bought herself a daughter from Kazakhstan in 2007, but was too crazy to look after her.

The Johnson clan had no official comment, though one "family source" cited "medical and psychological issues." I now renew my respectful request for Casey to sell the rights to her life to made-for-TV production company, and add that Katherine Moennig would make a great Jasmine. [P6]