In what's inevitably a bid for another TV show, Tila Tequila announced on Twitter that she'll be carrying the child of her brother and his wife as a "present" for them. I can't wait for the show. I have ideas.

Lamaze Faux-Pas with Tila Tequila: In which Tila teaches a Lamaze class with a bunch of pregnant mid-western mothers, inevitably ("accidentally") making hi-jinks-ensuing orgasm noises during her class. The last one to not be sent to the ER for breathing difficulties or fall in love with Tila Tequila gets to be Tila's breathing coach when she pops out The Worm.*

[*We will call him/her The Worm until Tila Tequila stops going by Tila Tequila. Even though worms only really appear in Mezcal bottles.]

A Shot at Pregnant Sex with Tila Tequila: In which Tila makes men, women, and two parakeets compete for the chance to put their various appendages inside of her while she's breeding. In order to do this, they'll have to compete against each other in various menial tasks that bring every pop stereotype about pregnancy to its knees. They will suffer through repeat viewings of Ghost. They'll have to brine their own jars of pickles and make their own gallons of ice cream, starting with milking a cow. They will have to let Tila beat the shit out of them (unless their name is Shawn Merriman). And for the final challenge, they'll see who can induce more morning sickness in themselves. The winner gets to have sex with Tila Tequila before she pops out The Worm.

C-Section Shore with Tila Tequila: In which Tila's friends sample various epidurals for her. Each episode is a different friend who tries to put a watermelon inside of them, but not before going under some kind of anesthesia first. There is no winner. Tila Tequila will eventually decide to pop out The Worm without the use of an epidural. Probably in a bath tub. Most likely, a hot tub-shaped one. Hopefully that isn't hot.

MTV True Life: I'm Inside Tila Tequila's Stomach Gideon Yago makes the descent headfirst, spelunking through Tila Tequila's vagina to meet the spawn inside of her and to spend a day with him/her, while Yago explains the various challenges he/she will face and the person they are spawning inside. The end is a sad coda to see how long The Worm tries to stay inside.

Tila Tequila Loves New York: A mashup production of I Love New York and Tila's talents. They come together and become best friends while Tila is preggers. I would actually watch this.

Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth with Tila Tequila: In which Bill Moyers tries to talk to Tila Tequila about Joseph Campbell and where she went wrong for more than ten minutes at a time. The winner walks away with their life.