9 Year-Old Noah Cyrus Performing Ke$ha is Disturbing on Seven Different Levels
I must've missed the Benjamin Spock chapter on it, because I don't remember there being anything in the book on child-rearing like this. Then again, I don't have kids, and I've don't read parenting books. So I could be wrong...
But I think there's something slightly disturbing about Miley Cyrus' nine year-old sister Noah, covering "Tik Tok," the aneurysm-inducing single from the southern-fried breathing pop muppet known as Ke$ha.
Now, one could think to themselves, oh, whatever, she's just a kid, it must be a one-off thing, her parents surely know where to draw the line of Miley, this has to be some kind of exception. And then you remember that:
1. Her parents are the people who mastered the uber-sexual celebsploitation of their older daughter Miley, and are the kind of parents who
2. Think this kind of thing is awesome, as evidenced by the last Noah Cyrus performance we saw, where she drop-and-popped to Akon's "Smack That." Except this time,
3. It's not Halloween, and she's not in a Minnie Mouse dress, but now
4. She has props, like a pole she twirls around, and, uh, a lightsaber.
5. Also, it gives you the ability to pretend for a moment that "Tik Tok" was actually written and recorded by a nine year-old, for nine year-olds. And their babysitters. And then you remember that it wasn't, because
6. Of lines like "I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk/ Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk." Also,
7. Related: Who the hell's hires that greasy-mustached babysitter? In fact, who is that greasy-mustached babysitter? Eric Balfour?
Grosssssssss. This makes having your kids take Glamour Shots look like The Mozart Effect. Obviously, the Cyrus Family Publicist is working hard this weekend.
[Previously: 9-Year-Old Noah Cyrus Performing 'Smack That' Is Disturbing on Seven Different Levels]