Today at Gawker.TV, tomorrow's Miss America Pageant is going to be a freak show, Pee Wee Herman gets an iPad, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos talk about their children's mating habits, and John Mayer's Storytellers.

John Mayer Pretends He Isn't a Womanizing Prick on Storytellers
John Mayer took time out of his busy schedule of banging Hollywood starlets to coo, whisper, and be "sensitive Johnny" to his throngs of adoring teenage girls on VH1's Storytellers. So who is the real Mayer: womanizer or sensitive man-child?

Mark Consuelos & Kelly Ripa's Children Are Terribly Confused about Mating, Sexuality
Kelly Ripa showed off a clip from her son's science project on snail reproduction: being a hermaphrodite and exchanging "love darts." But not before she and hubby make the awful gaffe of announcing that their kids mated with each other.

This Year's Miss America Pageant Doubles as a Verifiable Freak Show
If you haven't caught Miss America fever yet (seriously, why haven't you), then this behind-the-scenes look at the contestant's talents should satiate you for now. This year, instead of girls playing glockenspiel, think Coney Island side show.

Pee Wee Herman Gets an iPad
It's always weird when pop culture figures from different eras meet each other. Watch our worlds collide as Pee Wee Herman and his playhouse friends play with his new iPad. Period jokes and a spot-on critique of the tablet ahead!

Archer's Mother Is a Scheming Pill-Popper
There are only so many ways you can say a show is brilliant and hilarious, so instead of saying how funny Archer is, we'll just show you. This week? Swapping xanax and oxycontin labels to confuse your servants.