Since this is my last weekend on the site until I return, begging for a job as James Del's assistant, I've invited some friends along. Lauren Leto is a blogger and the proprietor of Texts From Last Night. Lauren?

Maureen Dowd
 Women who remember fondly the first time they got their period.

Thomas Friedman
 Men who refer to young women as "young lady."

Nicholas D. Kristof
 People who are terrified others will find out that they don't actually read the NYTimes.

David Pogue
 Your friend who sneers whenever they hear the phrase "social media expert" yet call themselves that.

Guy Trebay
 Your friend's friend who always forgets to pay their part of the bill.

Frank Rich
 People who spit when they talk.

Andrew Pollack
 That guy your spouse knows who paid to have his whole genealogy mapped out.

Paul Krugman
 People who realize that he's better looking than George Clooney.

David Brooks
 People who recognize a fellow D&D player when they see ‘em.

Gail Collins
 Your aunt in Boston.

[Lauren Leto's got a WordPress blog, because Tumblr's for pansies. Truth. She's based out of Detroit, counting fat stacks of cash from her book, Texts From Last Night, which you probably contributed to inadvertently. She also wrote an awesome blog post about who your favorite author is that she'll probably also get a book deal for. I say: If you're in a bar with people from Detroit, make sure they're on your side.]