Couch-ella: A TV-Band Music Festival For The Ages
Not going to Coachella this year? So what! Who needs Jay-Z when you're a TV person? TV people can't be bothered with actual musicians. Here's a music festival composed of acts that are just too good for real life.
Well, no. There is no actual music festival planned and these acts aren't going to go on tour together anytime soon—You have about enough of a chance of that happening as you do of someone suddenly busting out into the "Urkel" at a rooftop dance party. Why, you ask? Because they aren't real! Except in our hearts of hearts, of course, and in the wonderful world that is TV—out of the collective minds of the writers' room and onto our television sets. Not that that doesn't make them any less interesting or worthy of a little praise, of course. So here's a look at some of the best musical acts brought to you by the magic of television and the many musical genres they span across. Couch-ella may not really exist, but the idea of these bands playing together does kind of make us wish it did.
The Garage Band
Prime Example: Creation from Freaks and Geeks
We know, you and all of your little friends had a garage band when you were a kid. But did yours feature James Franco on lead guitar and a 29-piece drum kit? Nah, we didn't think so.
The Rock Band whose Fan Base Is Made Up Primarily of Gays and Girls
Prime Example: Jem and the Holograms from Jem
Those earrings. That roadster. The preposterous nature of the fact that no one seems to be able to figure out that Jerrica and Jem are the same person. What's not to love?
The Covers Band
Prime Example: Scrantonicity from The Office
Kevin Malone's all-Police cover band Scrantonicity still holds up as one of the more genius band ideas in TV history if only because when they broke up Kevin formed the equally as funny Scrantonicity 2.
The Ethereal, Jazzy Act Your Parents Really Like
Prime Example: Julee Cruise from Twin Peaks
Agent Dale Cooper sure did love his apple pie and cups of joe, but nearly every resident of Twin Peaks seemed to be transfixed whenever Julee Cruise's character came on-stage and sang. You may think this sounds a little too Enya-y for your hipster-addled brain, but you have to give props to the only act on this list who ever won a Grammy.
[Twin Peaks]
The Brit-Rock Band Composed of Two Brothers With A Drug Problem
Prime Example: Drive Shaft from Lost
Poor Chah-lie never got a break. First, his band breaks up. Then he gets marooned on a strange deserted island. And then he drowns. At least his one hit and a sideways-world version of himself live on!
The A-Capella Group
Prime Example: Rockapella from Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
What can we say other than these are the guys responsible for the fact that you still can't get the theme song from this game show out of your head?
The Girl-Group
Prime Example: Hot Sundae from Saved by the Bell
Saved By The Bell had a strong musical tradition—from the Zack Attack-dream sequence all the way to Tori Spelling's solo in the glee club episode. But neither of these moments held a candle to the all-girl power-group Hot Sundae episode... if only because it taught us that being "so excited!" can quickly lead to being "so scared!"
The Aging Rockers Who Headline
Prime Example: Jesse and the Rippers from Full House
Remember how Uncle Jesse kept trying to make it big in the music business but no amount of Smash Club performances or Beach Boy cameos could help? Hey, at least you were huge in Japan, right?
Did we leave anyone out? Of course we did (The Beets! Frozen Embryos!), but that's why there's always next year! Let us know which fictional TV band you'd travel across the country to see and just how angry it makes you that we didn't mention them here in the comments below, and, in the immortal words of Casey Kasem on the dance marathon episode of Saved by the Bell, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!
