What are church ladies complaining about these days? According to the American Library Association's list of "most challenged" books, 2009's top offenders were nude instant-messaging, sexy vampires, gay penguins, and Boo Radley. How literary!

The American Library Association has released its annual list of the books that were complained about the most in 2009, revealing a nation torn apart by internet slang abbreviations, chaste romance between immortal beings, nontraditional avian families, and, as usual, To Kill a Mockingbird and Catcher in the Rye.

Lauren Myracle's "AIM" series topped the list thanks to "nudity" [Ed. Note: What?] followed by And Tango Makes Three, a book about flightless sodomite arctic birds raising a child. Twilight, meanwhile came in at number five, below To Kill a Mockingbird, demonstrating that gentle, humanist anti-racism will always be more offensive to Americans than a vampire eating a baby out of a womb.

The full list:

1. ttyl, ttfn, l8r, g8r (series), by Lauren Myracle
Reasons: Nudity, Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group, Drugs

2. "And Tango Makes Three" by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson
Reasons: Homosexuality

3. "The Perks of Being A Wallflower," by Stephen Chbosky
Reasons: Homosexuality, Sexually Explicit, Anti-Family, Offensive Language, Religious Viewpoint, Unsuited to Age Group, Drugs, Suicide

4. "To Kill A Mockingbird," by Harper Lee
Reasons: Racism, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

5. Twilight (series) by Stephenie Meyer
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Religious Viewpoint, Unsuited to Age Group

6. "Catcher in the Rye," by J.D. Salinger
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

7. "My Sister's Keeper," by Jodi Picoult
Reasons: Sexism, Homosexuality, Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Religious Viewpoint, Unsuited to Age Group, Drugs, Suicide, Violence

8. "The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big, Round Things," by Carolyn Mackler
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

9. "The Color Purple," Alice Walker
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

10. "The Chocolate War," by Robert Cormier
Reasons: Nudity, Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

[ALA; Pic of wax Robert Pattinson via Getty]