Some writer for the Washington Post was able to churn out 1,100 words on the fact that Elena Kagan dresses like the middle-aged professor that she is. What does it mean that Kagan is totally unstylish? Let us explore.

The media has picked Kagan's family tree clean in its search for any clue about the woman; her sexuality has been batted around like a well worn softball; her undergraduate thesis was the latest scrap that was supposed to reveal Kagan's secret communist sympathizing. So, hey, why not spend some time on her clothes. Here is how Robin Givhan describes Kagan's style as she made the rounds on Capitol Hill last week:

Kagan is only 50 years old, which might be the equivalent of 100 in Hollywood years, but within the Washington establishment she would be classified as a young'un. Her style, however, makes her seem so much older. There's little that could be described as fun, impish or creative in her dress. It's a wholly middle-age approach to a wardrobe — if one stubbornly and inaccurately defines that transitional period in life as the beginning-of-the-end of sex appeal, effervescence and sprightliness. Kagan's version of middle-age seems stuck in a time warp, back when 50-something did not mean Kim Cattrall or Sharon Stone, "Cougar Town" or "Sex and the City."

She also adds that Kagan doesn't cross her legs when sitting down like a real lady!

So, Kagan is "stuck in a time warp" because she doesn't dress like a fake and annoying character in a fake and annoying TV series? Although I would go further than to say there is "little" that is "fun, impish or creative" about her clothes. There is absolutely nothing. She dresses like a middle-aged woman who literally buys the first article of clothing she tries on at Macy's. One gets the sense that if society didn't demand more, she'd be happy walking around in a flour sack with holes cut out of it. As such, there is absolutely no excuse to ever be writing more than a paragraph about this woman's clothes unless it is towards the noble end of figuring out if she's a lesbian or not. Or if one or more of the following things becomes integrated into her "look":

  • Tramp stamp
  • Vinyl pants
  • Facial tattoos
  • Facial piercings
  • Grills
  • Wearing one glove
  • T-shirts that say "PRO-LIFE" on them
  • shutter shades
  • Jeggings
  • Snooki-like poof
  • Pants with something written on the ass
  • Carhartt coveralls
  • Ed Hardy anything