TV stars are employees of a network and they have to do what their boss says. Early Thursday, CW made it's stars (and Katy Perry!) perform for an audience of pasty, clammy advertisers.

Let's talk decor, shall we? This event was branded to within an inch of its powerpointy life. Everywhere you looked, The Theatre at MSG was aglow with Facebook and Twitter comments from CW fans, including this one that made me sad. You're beautiful, Alexandra Colavecchia.

The show started with Katy Perry yelling, "Is it too early for you to stand on your feet and have some fucking fun?" Awesome. Her song, California Girls is CW's summer anthem.

Chace Crawford and AnnaLynne McCord represented the Monday nights on CW. What is wrong with her? She was talking off mic, going off prompter, and she lifted her shirt to show some terrifyingly infantile side ab. She wasn't cracked out like on drugs, she was just... cracked out. Whatever, she was funny in Fired Up.

This is Maggie Q. She should be a huge star. She's the Asian Jennifer Garner: funny, beautiful, deadly. If CW lets her be half as charming on Nikita as she was on stage, it will be addictive television. She had the quote of the day with, "I had to push the A cups up a little. We do exist."

These guys from One Tree Hill and Life Unexpected were really adorable and had clearly rehearsed backstage which was refreshing. Way to respect your audience, Robert Buckley and Kristoffer Polaha.

Hellcats is a new drama about a law student cheerleader. Also on Wednesday nights, ANTM's grand prize this season is the cover of Italian Vogue.

For CW's number one show, the stars of The Vampire Diaries sure were awkward together. Be glad this is a still.

This will be Smallville's final season so expect lots of nostalgic guest stars. Fun Fact: Tom Welling is producing Hellcats. Rah Rah Rah!

Here's the line up. In the summer there will be two new reality series; Shedding for the Wedding, about overweight people who've found love and presumably self-loathing, and Plain Jane, about changing so boys will like you. Alexandra Colavecchia, do not watch these shows. You are perfect just as you are.