The Way We Live Now: Feeling that sickening whooooooooaaaaaaa feeling in our guts again. You know that one? It's the feeling you get when the market's tanking, your employees are quitting, and masked bandits just made off with your gold.

The Dow is under ten thousand today, but it's rallying from a precipitous morning drop. So go ahead and buy, if you believe in the fiction of "money" that we all must buy into in order to prevent our market economy from collapsing into dust. You don't want workers to seriously consider quitting their dead-end jobs, do you? You can imagine the consequences.

We have to be frank with you: the day is overwhelmed with news that should cause you shoot yourself in despair, if you have an ounce of soul left. Not that any of us do (all sold to the devil), so we'll continue in a lighthearted fashion. The former mayor of Detroit's going to prison. Jamaica is still a drug gang war zone. And the Korean peninsula is about to explode in a war, which, by the way, is not doing any favors for the stock market.

But you don't really care about those things, do you? No, all you care about is your precious, precious stash of gold, the only thing keeping you solvent enough to pay off the cursed revenuers who want to combine you with the fools in the next county over.
Bad news, champ: a gang of thieves in Baghdad totally cleaned out your gold stash. It happened to The Goonies, more or less, and now it's happened to you.

At least you have your 401k. Hahaha.

[Pic via]