Paris Hilton was arrested for possession in South Africa, but released! Ashley Dupre is becoming a real estate agent. Lady Gaga spotted wearing something normal. Carrie Prejean got straight married. Saturday's gossip roundup is a breath of fresh air.

  • Paris Hilton's South Africa World Cup Sextravaganza took a serious turn when she was arrested for possessing pot yesterday at South Africa's Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium. The whole world wondered: Would Hilton end up in some terrible South African jail? Had she seen Invictus? Shit is brutal. She showed up for what would surely be her sentencing to five years hard labor in the diamond mines wearing "an off-white sleeveless blouse. Her hair was in pigtails and she had heavy black eyeliner," according to the Associated Press. Columbia University students were already planning their week-long sit-in to protest this terrible miscarriage of justice. But, thankfully, it turned out the cops were wrong! It was another person with the weed; they let Paris off and "apologized for misidentifying her." Oh, so are you saying all blond American heiresses look the same? [TMZ][TMZ][AP]
  • Would you buy a house from former hooker and current New York Post sex columnist Ashley Dupre? Her singing career must have tanked, so Ashley Dupre has gone on to plan B: She's headed to NYU for a real estate course. "New York City real estate has always been an interest of mine," she told the Post. This sounds like a good career move, because being a high-priced hooker is a lot like being a New York real estate agent: You have to constantly deal with enormous dicks, and someone's always getting screwed. [P6]
  • Former Miss America and current gay marriage foe Carrie Prejean and her boyfriend, NFL player Kyle Boller got married in what must have been the straightest wedding ever yesterday in San Diego. This wedding was so straight that they made everyone in attendance have sex with an opposite-gender member of the party before entering the chapel, just so they were sure no gay people were in the audience. The wedding was so straight, that Kyle Boller got iced by his bros three times while he was reciting his vows. The wedding was so straight that... whatever. [E!]
  • From the straightest of marriages to the gayest of unions: Melissa Etheridge filed a Petition for Dissolution of Domestic Partnership from her domestic partner of nine-years, Tammy Lynn Michaels. If for no other reason, gay marriage should be legal so that when a gay couple gets divorced it doesn't sound like a UN resolution [People]

  • The waitress who Lindsay Lohan claimed punched her claimed she didn't punch her! cocktail waitress Jasmine Waltz said that "I didn't hit her... but I'd like to." So who punched Lilo? The celebrity puncher is still at large! [Access Hollywood]
  • BREAKING: Lady Gaga was spotted in the gym dressed... completely normal. Is she OK? Someone should go check on her. [TMZ]
  • Kelsey Grammar told people on Twitter not to be mean to his ex-wife, former Playboy model Camille Donatacci. "I ask that all tweets about Camille be kind and mindful of the fact that she is the mother of my children." Five minutes later, #camilleisawhore was trending on Twitter. [DailyMail]
  • Speaking of celebrities doing stupid things on Twitter: Leann Rimes started tweeting about how sad she was about leaving her boyfriend Eddie Cibrian... for a couple days. "Cried leaving Eddie. I never do that!" she tweeted. Wah. [Celebitchy]