A Times reporter sat down for a two-hour interview with everyone's favorite mystery Senate candidate, Alvin Greene. She learned he's extremely bitter about being discharged from the Army—and he wants Denzel Washington to play him in a movie.

See, Democratic South Carolina Senate candidate Alvin Greene doesn't think it's fair that he got discharged for being an absolutely terrible soldier, while "Middle Eastern" guy Nidal M. Hasan got to stay and subsequently went berserk at Fort Hood, Texas:

"I was born and raised right here in South Carolina, and I'm a true American," he said. "That guy was Middle Eastern and had terrorist ties."

He was referring to Nidal M. Hasan, whose name he did not use…

"They didn't pit the world against the terrorist, they pit the world against me," he said. "The foreign terrorist had it made, and I didn't."

And it looks like Hollywood has taken as much interest in Alvin Greene's underdog story as the national media:

Mr. Greene said that since his victory, he has received calls from all over the world, including from a publishing agent in New York and a screenwriter in California. If a movie is made, he said, he wants to be portrayed by Denzel Washington.

We can actually see this! And we'd like to nominate Leelee Sobieski to play the University of South Carolina girl Alvin Greene allegedly creepily foisted Internet porn on. Except in the Hollywood version, she eventually comes to see past the unfortunate event, and they get together. Then they move to DC after Greene's triumphant Senate victory, and there's a scene at the end where Alvin Greene smiles slyly at the camera while a Three Doors Down song plays. A perfect set-up for Alvin Greene 2: The Presidential Campaign